


Her Own Eyes

by MysteriouS24



Category: Krashlyn - Fandom, Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-16
Updated: 2015-12-08
Packaged: 2018-04-26 14:32:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 11,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5008417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysteriouS24/pseuds/MysteriouS24
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ali Krieger is settling down into her life happily with Ashlyn Harris when an unexpected young woman enters her life, threatening to destroy everything she's worked hard for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for hanging in there with me on this one, guys! I apologize it took so long to post at times, but I hope you like it! 
> 
> When I posted chapter 11, I thought I was done but after thinking a while, you guys can count on more, hopefully very soon. Thanks for sticking around

The morning sun made its way dimly through the curtains of her spacious, new master bedroom. Beside her, the woman of her dreams lay sleeping in a pile of beautiful blonde curls, the light blue duvet cover lay just below her belly button as she rested on her back. Ali smiled and rolled closer to her lover; the light in the room caught her new engagement ring and her smile grew wider. She rested her hand on Ashlyn's stomach and snuggled close to her neck, thinking about the night previous.

Ash had made it clear she wasn't to come home until seven in the evening, so she had spent the day with her brother, Kyle, shopping for things for the new house she and Ashlyn had purchased together. It was a gorgeous five bedroom that sat close to the beach. They had a pool in the back and steps that led to the water so Ashlyn could surf whenever she wanted to. It was secluded and so quiet. They couldn't wait to start their family there; Ali could almost see Ash teaching their little ones how to surf, while the dog ran nearby, trying to catch birds. It was perfect.

It seemed to Ali that Kyle was in on whatever may be happening at their new home, but he denied it the whole day. His eyes twinkled more than usual which irked her slightly. She liked surprises but didn't like the feeling of not being in on a secret, especially since it seemed like a fun one. She reassured herself that she could be in on it soon enough.

When Kyle dropped her off, he hugged her tightly.

“You call me when you have time,” He whispered and kissed her cheek. “I love you, sis.” Ali smiled and waved, feeling butterflies erupt in her stomach the closer she walked to the front door. 

Her heart pounded a little harder when, upon her entrance to her gorgeous new home, she was greeted not by Ali but by rose petals littering the foyer. She followed the trail, which led her through the back of the house to the deck. The french doors were open, allowing the cool breeze from the ocean to permeate the house. Soft music reached her ears and she bit her lip, taking in the scene in front of her.

The yard was lit with torches, the light from the pool cast wavy shadows against the fence and Ashlyn's smiling face. Ali felt her stomach flip as Ash walked toward her, their eyes locked. Ali reached for her and pulled her close. They kissed softly for a moment and Ali pressed her body against Ash's when she tried to pull away, her hand pressed insistently on the back of her lover's neck, pulling her in for deeper kisses. Ashlyn gave in for a moment before she pulled away and rested her forehead against Ali's.

“Later, there will be plenty of time for that later,” She grinned and bit her lip. “Aren't you wondering what all this is about?” 

Ali smiled back at her and licked her lips, trying to hold onto the taste of Ashlyn if only for a second longer. “Yes...what is this about? Why did you banish me from our home for so long?” Ashlyn took her hand and led her to a chair on the deck. 

“Ali, these years I've spent with you have been some of the best and the worst of my life,” Ash chuckled and took both of Ali's hands in hers. “I've never been this complete and happy in my life. I look forward to hearing you laugh each day of my life. Everything about you is beautiful. I strive to be good enough to have you by my side every day and even though I don't think I can ever reach that point, I want to spend my life with you.” Her voice cracked slightly and Ali felt herself tear up as Ash pulled a small box from her pocket and opened it, before she knelt in front of her. 

“Ali Krieger, you amazing woman, you deserve so much more than I can ever give you but I'll live each day of my life working to honor you, if you'll have me. Will you marry me?” Ali wiped a tear from her cheek before she stood and pulled Ash to her feet and kissed her. Ash pulled away, laughing and crying at the same time.

“So, is that a yes or..?” Ali cut her off with a kiss again before she squealed.

“Yes, god yes!” She pulled her new ring out of the box and slid it on her finger. The diamonds sparkled in the light from the torches and she laughed, before pulling Ash in for another kiss. They had spent the rest of the night by the pool, talking, planning and laughing. Sometime during their night, their kisses had turned deeper, their hands wandered. 

Now in the morning light, Ali blushed, thanking the powers that be that they had no neighbors that could have heard them. The two of them had been less than discreet with their romantic rendezvous since their move into the house; for the first time in years they felt they could freely express that part of their relationship. No prying eyes or cameras on the lookout for the latest “Krashlyn” moments, no interruptions from team mates or practice. Just the two of them.

Ali felt Ashlyn stir a second before she felt her lips press against her forehead. Ali looked up at her and smiled.

“Good morning, fiancee,” Ashlyn said, her voice rough from sleep. 

“Good morning,” Ali responded and climbed on top of her. Ash ran her hands over her skin, causing goosebumps to erupt over her. With memories of the night before close to the surface, Ali felt her body respond to Ash's touch suddenly. Heat spread from her core to the tips of her fingers and she closed her eyes in a useless attempt to control herself. Ash rested her hands on Ali's hips and chuckled.

“Hmm, looks like you might have a few ideas for this morning,” She sat up, holding Ali's body close to her own and kissing her neck softly. 

“Yes,” she whispered, “I do.” Her fingers wound through Ash's hair, wordlessly begging her not to stop. She was happy to oblige.

* * *

Afternoon had come quickly and Ali had to pull herself away from Ashlyn to venture out into the world of the professional athlete. She had written a book recently, detailing her life both professionally and personally, including her relationship with Ashlyn, which had caused quite a reaction. Her agent had set up a book signing, which Ali was looking forward to. Ash decided to stay home; she said she wanted the book signing to be about Ali, not about them as a couple. 

The two hour event was coming to an end, and Ali had to admit she was ready for it to. She enjoyed meeting people, hearing their stories, taking pictures with them and signing autographs but two hours was a long time to smile, even for Ali Krieger. Her face was almost twitching from the effort it took. The last person in line, she was pleased to see, was a young woman, Ali guessed to be between fifteen and seventeen. She was fidgeting with her wavy brown hair, her eyes kept flashing to Ali and then back to the floor. Ali smiled at her, encouragingly and beckoned her forward. 

“Hi!” Ali smiled at her and the girl giggled nervously.

“Uh, hi,” She mumbled. Her eyes flashed up to her face and she flushed a deep pink. “Umm...my name is Sam,” Ali took the book from her hand and started the autograph, and smiled at her again, hoping she wasn't freaking this kid out too much. Sam cleared her throat before she burst out.

“I think you're my birth mother.”


	2. Chapter 2

Ali placed her hands protectively over her stomach where her baby moved restlessly. As her due date approached, she spent more and more time unable to sleep, pacing the floors of her room. Sometimes she would talk to her baby, sometimes to herself. How did she get herself into this situation? It wasn't some kind of classic teen pregnancy story; on the contrary, Ali knew what she was doing. It wasn't her first time, she wasn't in love. If she was completely honest with herself what it came down to was she thought it wouldn't happen to her because she was careful. The baby kicked her and she poked the spot back, smiling slightly. As much fear as she carried with her these last few months, she also carried amounts of love she never thought she could. 

This love was bittersweet. The selfish part of her wished she could stay pregnant forever, to keep her baby close to her heart but she also knew that being a mother wasn't in the cards for her yet. She had far too many goals and, even with the endless amount of love she carried for her child, she knew she wouldn't be able to do what she had always dreamed of. The last thing she wanted was to feel any sort of resentment toward the innocent life growing inside of her. 

Ali's mind wandered to the family who was adopting her daughter. They were a lesbian couple who couldn't have children of their own and couldn't adopt through an agency. They had agreed on a closed adoption, so after Ali gave birth and signed over her rights, that was that. She wouldn't be in contact with them, which both hurt beyond words but was the best thing. 

“I've just gotta rip the bandage off,” She had told Kyle one night when he had come across her eating french fries in the kitchen at three o'clock in the morning. “It won't be good for her or for me to hang on. Plus, Melissa and Rose deserve to have their baby, no strings attached. I'm making the right choice.” Her voice had choked with tears and Kyle wrapped his arms around her.

“I know, Ali, I'm sorry. I'll be here for you anytime.” And she could tell he meant it, but her stubborn side always won over. She was determined to do this alone. 

She sighed heavily and sat on the edge of her bed, wincing when the baby kicked in protest. She pressed back, enjoying the game they played. She would kick, and Ali would press where she kicked, only to have her hand kicked away. She was getting stronger day by day, though, and her kicks became less frequent but harder. 

“Hey kid,” Ali mumbled to her stomach. “You're gonna be born soon which is going to be pretty cool for you, I think. I can't keep you, but I've got a great family for you. They're looking forward to meeting you. I'm sorry I can't keep you. I love you, though, more than you'll ever know and that's why I'm doing this.” The movement in her body stopped, almost as if the baby girl was listening. “I won't ever forget you,” She whispered and she meant it.

Three weeks later, her labor began and she found herself unable to stick to her plan of lone dignity. After five hours of active labor, she begged for her mother and for Kyle to come be with her. Words of soft encouragement were whispered into her ear by her mother when she begged for the pain to end. Kyle wiped her face with a damp rag after she vomited without even wincing. They held her when she was pushing and then, the moment her daughter was free from her body and Ali heard her cry, when her hear broke into countless pieces in her chest, her mother cradled her like she was an infant herself. 

Her daughter's parents let Ali hold the tiny newborn after her parental rights were officially terminated, and she took in everything she could about the sleeping baby. Her dark hair was abundant, enough so that Ali could tuck the sweet locks behind her tiny ears. Her mouth puckered and she sucked on her fingers, which were perfection, down to the semi circles of her fingernails. Ali kissed her head, breathing in the scent of her child, the sweet, clean smell of a newborn. 

“I love you,” She murmured into the baby's ear, her tears flowing freely. Her daughter had opened her eyes then, and even though they said she was far too young, the infant smiled and Ali handed her back, along with a letter she had penned days before, right after she had been born.

Melissa and Rose had hugged her tightly, thanking her for her gift before they made their way from the hospital, taking their daughter, Ali's heart, with them. 

That had been sixteen years ago, but as she started into the young woman's eyes in front of her, Ali knew what Sam had said was right; her own eyes stared back at her.


	3. Chapter 3

Ali sat in her car, unsure of how she should approach Ashlyn. In all their years together, she had never once mentioned that she had ever been pregnant as a teenager, let alone mentioned she had a child in the world somewhere. It had never seemed relevant when they had first met, and as more time passed, she just couldn't see the point in bringing it up. 

Ali slammed her hands against the steering wheel, internally chewing herself out for never telling Ashlyn. 'You've gotta get it together, Krieger,' her inner voice chastised herself. She had been parked in the garage for at least five minutes already; if Ash was home, she was bound to come out to see what was keeping her. 

Ali flipped the sun visor down and looked in the small mirror and groaned when she saw how red and puffy her face was. “Fuck,” She mumbled, her frustration level was building. Thoughts swirled in her head like a hurricane and she felt herself losing her fragile grip of composure. She tried to grab onto a specific channel of memories in her mind, grasping at the conversation she had with Sam at an empty coffee shop they had agreed to go to for a more private talk. 

She was almost one hundred percent sure that Sam was her daughter; the resemblance between the two of them was striking. Their hair, eyes, skin tone...even their smile were all almost identical. Sam had the same habit of mumbling and tucking her hair behind her ears when she was nervous. And she had the letter Ali had written to her baby the last time she had seen her. 

Sam assured her that her moms were great people but she had always wanted to meet her birth mother. When Ali found that neither of them knew Sam had come to see her, she felt the knot in her stomach pull tighter; she was still under the age of eighteen and they had a totally closed adoption. She was sure she could get in some kind of trouble for having contact with her, even if she wasn't the one who sought Sam out. 

“It's okay, they won't find out,” Sam had said, somehow picking up on Ali's uneasiness. But she wasn't so sure. Parents had a way of knowing when their kids did something they weren't completely honest about.

When they had said goodbye, Sam had hugged her tightly and given Ali a piece of paper that said “Sammy” with her phone number. She slipped it into her pocket with no intention of contacting her. That was a line she wasn't willing to cross at least not until Sam was eighteen. Even then, though, Ali wasn't sure. She had built her life the way she wanted it to be, and she didn't want a stranger, her blood or not, to come between her and her plans. 

“Like a bandage,” She mumbled and stepped out of the car. She had gone with a closed adoption because it was what was best for her daughter and for herself. Opening up contact was just not an option.

'There's no reason to tell Ashlyn,' she thought as she made her way into the house and hung her coat carefully on the hook. 'All that would do is hurt her and cause issues where there doesn't need to be.' She smiled, relieved that she had come to a conclusion about her past. 

As she ran warm water into the tub for a relaxing bath, some of the uneasiness resurfaced and she wiped it from her mind as quickly as she could. There was no reason to tell Ash. 

After all, what Ashlyn didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

* * *

Ashlyn checked her watch as she made her way to the house. Ali was late getting home and hadn't responded to her texts so she had gone out on a run. Although she didn't expect to know Ali's whereabouts every second of the day, she was slightly worried, but irritated more-so by her lack of communication. Hence the run; exercise always helped her quell her anxiety and moodiness. Honestly, it was probably something as simple as she had run into an old friend and had an early dinner with them. 

She felt calmer after the run but a nagging voice still sounded off in the back of her mind that something wasn't quite right but she pushed it away. Ash was relieved to see her coat hanging on the hook.

“See?” She mumbled to herself, “You had nothing to worry about.” 

She stripped her sweaty running gear off as she climbed the stairs, which Ali absolutely hated but Ash secretly enjoyed getting on her nerves occasionally. Bickering tended to lead to some pretty aggressive sex, something both of them enjoyed immensely. Really, she was doing Ali a favor by leaving her clothes spread from the front door to their bedroom. She grinned and walked into the bathroom, momentarily surprised to see her fiancee chin deep in bubbles in the tub. 

“Hey you,” Ash grinned at her. She was sure the sheen of sweat on her naked body would be a welcome sight for her lover, but it seemed as if Ali barely noticed. “Can I join you?” She motioned to the tub and she nodded.

“What's on your mind?” Ashlyn asked as she settled into the tub across from Ali, paying no mind to the water the overflowed and splashed to the floor. Her brow furrowed in concern, the voice in the back of her mind started up again, alerting her that something wasn't right. 

She shook her head in response. “Nothing, just a long day. Lots and lots of people, pictures, you know? My face hurts from smiling.” Ashlyn nodded; she knew all too well how exhausting being 'on' all the time was like. 

Ali laid her head back against the bath pillow and closed her eyes, exposing her neck and collarbone. Ash grinned and moved toward her, an idea blossoming in her mind.

“I can take your mind off of all of that,” Her hands found Ali's waist under the warm water and she ran her fingers down her sides. She lifted her head and smiled.

“Maybe later tonight, I just need to relax for a minute. I'll be fine.” She reached for Ashlyn's face and caressed it softly. “Thank you, though.” 

Ash smiled and nodded, but now she was sure something was up. Not that Ali had never told her no before. She was perfectly fine hearing no. It was the way she had tensed when she touched her. It wasn't an electric response like usual, no, it was almost like she had repelled Ali. 

She tried to ignore her gut; she had no reason to mistrust her fiancee. In all the years they had been friends and lovers, Ali had never hidden a thing from her, or lied to her that she knew of. She was a terrible liar, anyway. 

* * *

Ashlyn stared at the small paper in her hand in disbelief. A woman's name, Sammy, had been printed clearly, a phone number penned below. Ali had asked her to help her look for her keys and when she had gone into her coat pocket, this is what she found.

Her stomach flip flopped and her mind raced, remembering how oddly Ali had acted the day before. She had spent the night as far away from Ashlyn as possible, even when they went to bed, she curled onto her side with her back to her lover, a silent but clear message of “don't touch me.” Ashlyn received it loud and clear. 

Could Ali really have cheated? She was hours late home and had dodged the question when she had asked what kept her. It all made sense. But why? 

Ashlyn felt herself getting angry. She wasn't typically jealous, nor one to jump to conclusions. The logical part of her mind told her that it was a fan that had given her the number and Ali had just forgotten to toss it, but she always put gifts and other items from fans to the side to look at later and she wouldn't have been wearing her coat during the signing. She supposed it was possible that someone had run into her on the street and recognized her but that still didn't explain the hours between the signing and her arrival home. 

“Ali,” She called out, and made her way to the back of the house, where she had last seen her digging through couch cushions to find the missing keys. “Ali, what's this?” She handed the paper to her and watched the color drain from her face. 

“I, uh,” Ali mumbled and Ashlyn raised her eyebrows.

“Please tell me I'm crazy, because I hope to GOD that I am. You were hella late yesterday, you didn't want me to touch you at all, let alone be close to you and now I found this in your coat,” her voice was low and Ali dropped her eyes.

“It's not that, Ash, I swear. I'm not cheating and I never have, you know that.” Relief swept through Ashlyn followed immediately by guilt.

“Thank God, I'm sorry I-” Ali put her hand up to stop her.

“I'm not cheating but...Jesus I don't even know how to say this so I guess I'll just...say it. That's my daughter's phone number.” Ashlyn laughed but her smile faded quickly as she saw Ali's eyes well up with tears.

“Oh my god, Ali,” She whispered. Emotions swirled through her, faster than she could identify them but at the sight of her best friend and future wife standing in front of her in tears, she did the only thing that made sense. She wrapped her arms around her and held her as she sobbed.


	4. Chapter 4

Several weeks had passed since Ali's announcement regarding her daughter, and Ash still wasn't any more at ease with the whole situation than she was the first moment it had sunk in. Not only had Ali been dishonest with her for a very long time, but now this stranger was wanting her fiancee's time and attention. Not that Ashlyn had any issues sharing the attention of her love, everything was happening so quickly it left her with knots in her stomach. Suddenly, their lives were immersed in Sammy. Ashlyn had heard so much about Ali that she had never known before and as time went on, she started to feel resentment and anger toward her future wife. 

She sighed, set her coffee on the table and looked out over the beach. A breeze blew through her hair, the smell of salt water and sun helped to ease her mind. Ashlyn closed her eyes, focusing on the feel of the warmth on her face and breathing deeply. She felt her heart beat slow, and calm spread from the tips of her fingers to the center of her stomach and for the first time since she had found Sammy's number, she felt the knots in her center loosen. 

Amounts of time passed, that much she knew, but she wasn't sure just how much before she heard Ali's soft footsteps approach. Ashlyn opened her eyes and half-smiled at her.

“Hey you,” Ali kissed her forehead and sat across from her. “I was going to see what you were up to. Sammy should be here any minute.” Ashlyn nodded, absently. She was more nervous than she'd like to admit about meeting Ali's daughter. She clenched her jaw. 'Ali's daughter' was not something she ever thought she'd say without her name in there, somewhere. 'Ali and Ashlyn's daughter' maybe...it just didn't sit right. 

Ali placed her hand on Ashlyn's forearm and squeezed. “I know this is hard for you, but...” her sentence was cut short by the doorbell. She stood quickly and smoothed her top. “I'll get that. Stay here.” Just like that, she was gone. 

It wasn't that Ali was unapologetic about her dishonesty, on the contrary she was falling all over herself to make it up to Ashlyn. Despite her best efforts, Ashlyn was struggling with her own feelings. It wasn't so much that she had a child, that wasn't the issue. It's that she had never told Ashlyn, and she had never planned to. How could she keep trusting someone who kept a secret like that from her for so long, especially since she had no intention of ever bringing it up before Sammy had come barging into their lives. 

She could hear voices getting closer, the cadence of Ali's familiar laugh. That laugh still made her smile every time. Grateful she didn't have to fake it, she shook Sammy's hand and introduced herself when the pair appeared on the porch. Ali pursed her lips, giving Ash the clear communication that a handshake was a little formal. Ashlyn stared back, unwilling to welcome Sam as quickly as Ali had. Sam was a stranger. 

A stranger who looked almost exactly like Ali. Ashlyn watched them interact and was almost hypnotized by how similar they were. The way they threw their heads back when they laughed, down to the way they flipped their dark hair behind their shoulders. It was uncanny. And their eyes...identical. Sammy, in her youth, was missing the crinkles around her eyes but no doubt, those would adorn her face later in life. Just like her mother.

“So, Ashlyn, Ali told me that you guys are getting married soon?” Sam turned the conversation easily to include her, much to her dismay. Somewhere in the back of her head, she noted that even Sammy's charisma rivaled her mothers. But she had been enjoying being mostly silent, afraid to say something that would tip them off to her mood. But she forged on, unwilling to drop her game face.

“Oh yeah, yeah in about another year,” Ashlyn tapped into her PR training and smiled wide. Ali narrowed her eyes, a warning to her not to overdue it with the charm. It was easy to pile it on when adoring fans were almost lapping up every word, every gesticulation but one on one, it was a thin line between charming and fake. She cleared her throat and backed off a bit.

“We wanted something small but when we starting compiling the guest list...well, we know a LOT of people.” Sam laughed and again Ashlyn was forced to see just how similar this stranger was to her future wife. Forced to deal with the fact this was a child she knew nothing about until three weeks ago. She swallowed a lump in her throat and strained her lips into a smile. 

Ali saw her composure slipping and interjected. “We thought about just eloping but I think our families would kill us.” Ashlyn snorted, thinking about what Syd's reaction would be. Two pairs of identical eyes looked at her curiously.

“Oh, sorry, I was just thinking what Syd would do to us if we eloped,” Ali smiled and Sam tilted her head to the side, “Syd is one of our team mates, old friend...” Ashlyn went on to explain to Sam, who laughed.

“Oh yeah, I know, I was just picturing her reaction, too.” She interrupted. Ashlyn's smile faltered and she shot a fast look to Ali, who looked uneasily back at her. Sammy's eyes flashed quickly from one face to another before she continued, more subdued.

“I mean, I played soccer too and one day one of my team mates was like 'Sam this player looks just like you.' They were laughing, started calling me Krieger. My parents had told me I was adopted and I just kind of put it together when I read your book. You skimmed over your late teen years, and never explained why you took about a year off. Just said it was family stuff. Pretty accurate, since you were having a baby and all.” 

For the first time, Ashlyn saw shyness in Sammy and she felt for her. The whole situation had to be hard for her, too. Teenagers weren't known for being logical, no, teenagers were emotional, flighty creatures. Ashlyn tried to put herself into Sammy's shoes, to feel what she might be feeling. 

“This must be hard for you,” Ashlyn said softly. Sammy smiled wanly.

“It's awkward. I should actually get going. My parents will be expecting me home soon. But it was nice to meet you, Ashlyn.” This time, Ashlyn wrapped the young woman in her arms and squeezed her.

“It was nice to meet you too, Sam.”

Once Ali had said goodbye to her daughter, she made her way back to Ashlyn, who was sitting stoically on the back porch, still. Her arms crossed over her chest, she stared out at the water. Ali sat next to her, wordlessly, gazing at the water, as well, trying to see just what it was Ashlyn was seeing.

“Can you just tell me why you never told me,” Ashlyn's voice was low, almost a whisper and Ali almost missed it. She bit her lip.

“I don't know...I guess by the time it was obvious that you were trustworthy, it just didn't seem relevant. I never thought this is where we would be and as the years went by, it seemed more and more...insignificant.” She cringed at the wording, but she knew it was the truth. Ashlyn sighed, but was otherwise silent for a long while. When she spoke again, Ali could sense her fiancee was fighting to remain calm. 

“That's just the thing, Alex. You never had any intention of telling me this. The only fucking reason you did was because you basically had no choice. That hurts more than you'll ever know.” Ashlyn stood and made her way in the house.

“Ash, wait!” Ali called after her but seconds later, she heard the front door slam and knew it was pointless.


	5. Chapter 5

The second she slammed the door behind her, Ashlyn regretted it. Her frustration with Ali was understandable, she knew, but was she being fair? She searched her mind for things she may have not disclosed to Ali for one reason or another but came up empty. Even the time she had gone to second base with one of her ex girlfriends after she and Ali had a fight. Ashlyn snorted, remembering the conversation THAT little indiscretion had caused. 

That had actually been a turning point in their relationship; it had gone from something fun that they enjoyed to something serious that they desired. A little jealousy went a long way. Even though Ashlyn had broke some of Ali's trust, they grew from it. So why hadn't Ali taken that opportunity to tell her about her child? Or any of the other billion times they'd discussed starting a family together. Plenty of times would have been a great chance for disclosure, but Ali had chosen to keep it to herself. 

She sighed and ran her hand through her hair, unsure of where she had even planned on going when she left their home. She plopped down on the porch steps and gazed at the horizon and wished Ali had never gone to that book signing.

* * *

When Ashlyn stepped inside half an hour later, she set out to find her fiancee immediately. She was more than ready with an apology, half expecting to find Ali on the back deck in tears or worse. She hated seeing her cry, but being the one to make her cry was even worse. 

What she didn't expect was to find Ali in the pool, swimming laps gracefully, her clothes a jumbled pile next to the ladder. Ashlyn leaned against the door frame and watched, almost hypnotized by the easy rhythm Ali never broke. 

She eventually stopped swimming, grabbing onto the side of the pool and wiping water out of her face. Ashlyn smiled; even if she had wanted to, she couldn't stay mad at Ali.

“Hey you,” She said gently, walking over to the edge of the pool before she took her shoes, socks and shorts off. She eased her legs into the cool water and smiled shyly at Ali.

“I'm sorry I blew up like that. I've been trying to put myself into your shoes to understand and I can't. But I love you. Help me work through this? Please?” Ashlyn brushed Ali's cheek with her hand and Ali smiled.

“Thank you...I'll try to help as much as I can. I've been kicking myself for not telling you, more than you know. It's strange for me, too.” Ali moved to Ashlyn, resting her arms on her fiancee's thighs. They leaned closer to each other and kissed softly. 

“Do something for me?” Ali asked, looking up at Ashlyn from under her eyelashes. 

“Hmm?” She responded, lost in Ali's eyes.

Ali grinned and wrapped her arms around Ashlyn's neck, pulling her into the water in one easy motion. When she surfaced, Ali was laughing heartily, her head thrown back.

“Bitch!” Ashlyn exclaimed and splashed her in the face.

“You liiiike me,” Ali sang, wrapping her arms around Ashlyn's neck again. She kissed her playfully but shivered when she felt Ashlyn's hands run up her sides. 

“I do,” she responded. She nibbled Ali's ear. Ali wrapped her legs around Ashlyn's waist easily, giggling. 

“You're giving me ideas,” Ashlyn growled, turning so Ali was pushed against the wall of the pool. 

“Good,” Ali gasped when Ashlyn's lips brushed her neck. “You always get the best ideas.” 

Lost in each other, they didn't hear Ali's phone vibrate almost ceaselessly.


	6. Chapter 6

Fifty-two missed calls later, Ali and Ashlyn resurfaced long enough to grab something to eat. At least that's what they thought. The two of them giggled, surfacing from the water only to keep up their game of cat and mouse. Fooling around in the pool had been fun, but refueling with some intense flirting was just the thing they needed before round two. Ashlyn playfully called it 'halftime' since their first encounter. Ashlyn sprinted into the house, dripping water behind her as she went, with Ali in close pursuit. 

“Hey, wait!” Ali called after her when her fiancee had lept into the house. She didn't want to leave her phone outside and forget about it. Lord knew she wasn't the most careful with her phones; she had only just replaced her old phone two months ago. Ashlyn would flip her so much shit if she broke it in the first six months of ownership. In a fluid motion, Ali bent down to grab her clothes and her phone. When the screen lit up, her stomach dropped. 

“Ashlyn,” Ali called, stepping carefully onto the hardwood floor. Ashlyn's puddles were plentiful; she was surprised that she hadn't found her fiancee sprawled out on the floor the minute she crossed the threshold. The last thing she needed was to slip on a puddle of pool water and wind up on an episode of “Dumb Ways to Die” or something. 

“What's up, love?” Ashlyn peaked out of the bathroom, dabbing her hair with a hand towel, another pet peeve of Ali's. She waited to get scolded by Ali, any excuse to get shameless flirting started. But as she watched the color drain from her face, concern whipped through her, quickly replacing her slightly horny, playful mood. The switch was not welcome. Ashlyn frowned. 

Ali ended the call to her voicemail and stood motionlessly in the family room. Her clothes had fallen to the floor, she was naked, save for the shimmering droplets of water. Her hair dripped down the back of her, puddles forming at her feet. Ashlyn noticed her skin had erupted in goosebumps and Ali shivered slightly, even though it was balmy and comfortable in the room. 

“Alex?” Ashlyn made her way toward her. Ali turned suddenly, causing her to jump. “Baby? What is it?” 

“Umm...Sammy. She got into a car accident on her way home. Her mom...”Ali's voice faltered and she looked down at her clothes, almost confused, as if she didn't remember dropping them.

“Is she okay, babe?” Ashlyn touched her arm. Ali's eyes focused on Ashlyn and she nodded. 

“Her mom wants me to go to the hospital.” She mumbled. Ashlyn raised an eyebrow. 

“Why?” She asked, incredulously. “I mean, she's fine, why do they want you there?” Ashlyn had kept this particular concern to herself, but she had worried that Sammy's sudden appearance had something to do with her wealth. She had been afraid to mention anything, not because she thought she was wrong but because she didn't want to be right. What if the couple that had adopted Sam would use the fact that she had gotten into a car accident on her way home from Ali's as a way to file a lawsuit? Especially with the closed adoption card in their hand. Even as the thought ran through her head, she thought it sounded ridiculous. But on the other hand, she had, herself, seen distant family come out of the woodwork to try and get some kind of handout from her. It was an unfortunate reality for anyone with any level of celebrity. With Ali's big heart, it was a potential disaster waiting to happen.

“She said something about glioblastoma?” Ali shook her head. “I don't know if I said it right?”

Ashlyn stared at her fiancee for a moment, mouthing the word. Her She knew she had heard that term before, likely on Grey's Anatomy, she thought. Her brow furrowed in concentration before her face gave way to an expression of shock. “Glioblastoma? Like a brain tumor?”


	7. Chapter 7

Ali shifted nervously. She had always hated hospitals, even though she'd always been well taken care of in them. Maybe it was the smell of the disinfectant and the sound of all the monitors beeping, people coughing. The quiet buzz always got so overwhelming, like everyone was on edge; she found herself always jumpy, waiting for a climax that never came. 

Sam was in her hospital bed, just as cheerful as ever, like nothing was happening. The nurse taking her vital signs kept glancing at Ashlyn and Ali, no doubt seeing the resemblance between her young patient and the brown haired beauty at Ashlyn's side. 

“Are you sisters?” The nurse asked cheerfully, obviously trying to clear the tension in the room. Ali opened her mouth to speak, to say 'no, this is my daughter,' but she stopped herself.

“Yeah,” Sammy said quickly. “Totally, I was a big surprise.” She giggled at the nurse's expression. She was obviously confused, having met Sam's mothers. Ashlyn snorted, earning a jab in the side from Ali's elbow. Ashlyn rubbed her ribs and shot her a look. 

“Everything looks good,” the nurse said and excused herself from the room, obviously relieved to be done. 

“So, my mom told you about my tumor?” Sam said, almost conversationally. “I was waiting for the right time to tell you. We were delaying surgery for a while since I wasn't really symptomatic, just headaches. The seizure thing is new. I'm just glad I only ran into a mailbox. That could have been a lot worse.” Her smile faltered a little. She ran her fingers along the seam of her blanket and rubbed the fabric between her fingers. Ali smiled slightly, recognizing the nervous habit as one of her own.

“What's going to happen now?” Ali approached the bed and held Sam's hand carefully. Their physical contact had been mostly hugs, but Ali felt a strong need to comfort the young woman. At the same time, she wasn't looking forward to the answer. She was torn between the desire to be there for Sam and the desire to get out of the hospital as soon as she possibly could. 

Sam squeezed Ali's hand and shrugged, her eyes still downcast. “Well...they're going to do surgery tomorrow. The goal is to get as much of the tumor as possible but mine is tricky I guess. My neurosurgeon said it's in my cerebellum but it's infiltrating my brain stem. They won't really know more until after the surgery. There's even a chance they're wrong and it's not malignant. That's unlikely though.” She cleared her throat. “If it's malignant, which is most likely, I'll start radiation therapy and chemotherapy, too.”

Ali took her words in and digested them slowly. Surgery, chemotherapy, radiation...the words swirled nonstop. She felt Ashlyn's hand on her back, rubbing small circles. She closed her eyes and tried to focus, to pull herself together but the sounds of the hospital mixed with her thoughts into a cacophony she couldn't ignore. She stood suddenly, pulling her hand away from Sam's.

“I've gotta go,” Ali rushed from the room. Ashlyn said a quick goodbye to Sammy before following her fiancee. She didn't break stride until she was in the drivers seat of her car. Ashlyn settled herself into the passenger seat and looked at Ali imploringly. 

“Alex, what was that?” Ashlyn had seen Ali lose it a few times in the years they had been together, but typically, she was a pro at keeping her cool until she was in a private place. Sam seemed to bring out something in her Ashlyn had never seen before. 

“I can't, Ash. I can't do this. I never wanted to meet her anyway. Now all this shit is going on. Brain tumors and chemotherapy. Why couldn't she just leave me alone?” Her eyes flashed with anger. 

“Is that what you really want? Do you really want to walk away? In all honesty, will you wonder about her for the rest of your life if you do?” Ali shook her head. 

“I don't know. I want to go home and sleep.” She turned the key, signaling the end of the conversation. 

The ride home was silent, Ali lost in her own thoughts. Should she even be involved at all at this point? She wasn't even sure how she felt, if she was honest. Sam was a stranger to her, even if she was flesh and blood. Deep down, beyond the frantic feeling in her chest, her heart ached for Sam. She had wanted her daughter to have an amazing life; that was the part of the reason she had placed her with another family. Her feelings for her daughter were complicated; she had loved her beyond words but that was years in the past. It was easy and natural for a mother to love her unborn child, but that baby was a full person with thoughts and opinions. Could she really love Sammy or was it the idea of her, the vision she had for her newborn the first and last time she had held her? 

Their bed was a welcome sight for Ali. When the couple arrived home, she had stripped and crawled between the sheets, willing sleep to come quickly. But hours ticked by in the darkness of their room. Ashlyn was sound asleep, her arm thrown over Ali's side, completely oblivious to the war in her fiancee's head. Sometime in the early morning hours, Ali succumbed to her exhaustion and slept. 

Her mind had other plans for her, going against her wish for a restful night's sleep, and she dreamed she was in a hallway with a doorway at the end. She could hear a baby cry and knew something terrible would happen if she didn't get to it in time. Dread churned in her stomach, every part of her was on high alert. Ali ran for the door, but no matter how hard she ran, she never got closer. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't save the baby.


	8. Chapter 8

“Well, fuck,” Ali mumbled. She held her pregnancy test in her hand, glaringly positive. She had suspected as much, but seeing the test actually verify it left her reeling. She hadn't ever had a scare before, even though her period never followed the typical 28 day cycle, her body felt different. The thought first planted itself in her mind when Kyle had complimented her chest one morning over breakfast.

“Are you trying to impress someone or have you actually grown that much?” He teased. Ali had looked down, noticing for the first time they did, in fact, look fuller. 

“You're growing up so fast,” Kyle mimicked wiping a tear from his eye. Ali had stuck her tongue out at him and continued to eat without retort. They were bigger, and a little tender, for sure. Her mind counted the weeks to when she had bled last, slight panic setting in when she realized it had been over a month. She brushed it off. It wasn't uncommon for her to not have a period for months. Still, she wondered. 

Her mantra became 'you worry too much, you've been late before', but two weeks later, when she threw up in first hour English, she had to admit something wasn't right. After lunch that day, Ali set out to flag down the only person who could be the father, if she was indeed pregnant. 

“Matt!” She called and jogged toward him. He seemed surprised to see her, his smile lit up his entire face when he saw her making her way toward him. She felt a pang of guilt for him. He wasn't the most well known guy in school, and honestly, got picked on a lot. He didn't stand out academically, he wasn't a jock, but he was nice. She hadn't talked to him much since they had hooked up almost two months before. 

Out of all the guys she had been with, which wasn't many, really, Matt was the nicest. He had called to check on her the next day, even thanked her, which was a little awkward but also sweet. When he tried to ask her on a proper date, though, she quickly shut him down. 

“I want to focus on school and sports right now. But I'm flattered, really.” She hoped that he knew she meant it. 

“Oh, right. Okay, that's cool so...I guess I'll see you around.” Ali cringed and said goodbye. Since then, they had exchanged hellos in the hallway but she could tell he was a little hurt she had turned him down.

“Hey, Ali, what's up?” His cheeks were turning pink. Ali smiled despite herself, a little pleased that she had that effect on him.

“Do you have time to talk?” She said softly. He nodded, obviously confused, but also a little hopeful, and led her to a secluded table. 

Ali watched different emotions cross his face when she told him she thought she might be pregnant. At first, he shook his head in disbelief, then terror followed by hope.

“Well, you haven't taken a test yet, right? So maybe you're not!” She shook her head.

“I'm pretty sure...” She started but he cut her off.

“Let's go get a test, like right now. I'll buy it. We can't do anything until we know, right?” Reluctantly, she had agreed. 

Ali handed the test to Matt and he groaned. “No way.” She didn't respond, instead she watched the fragile hope that he carried diminish the longer he stared at her pregnancy test. 

“What are you going to do? Are you gonna keep it or...” His voice trailed off, letting the rest of the options go unspoken. 

Ali had thought about it at length the first time it even occurred to her that she might be pregnant, and even more that day between her vomiting and telling Matt that she thought she was carrying his baby. Of course, her options were few and none of them were black and white to her. 

Would Ali keep her baby? No, she didn't think so. She was young; of course other people her age did it all the time but whenever she considered that as an option, she felt panicked. There was no way she could care for a child, finish school, go to college, have a social life and do everything else she wanted to do. Especially when it came to sports. 

Adoption was tricky. How could she be sure her baby would go to the right people? How did that even work? Of course, the question of school was there, too. She calculated in her head when she thought she would be due to deliver, and came up with the end of August so she could probably finish out the year. And what? Act like nothing happened? 

She thought about abortion, all it entailed. At this point, she had let her pregnancy progress that if she was going to, she needed to get it done quickly. She wasn't sure where to even start looking, if it was even really an option for her. 

“I really don't know,” She whispered and tears spilled over onto her cheeks. Matt put his arms around her, without hesitation and Ali let herself be vulnerable then. Weakness wasn't something she showed but at that moment, she needed to be held.

“It'll be okay,” He promised.

But she wasn't sure.

And she still wasn't, years later, looking at her daughter as she slept. Her long hair was gone, replaced instead by bandages, evidence that hours before, her skull had been opened and her brain had been cut into. She had woken up briefly, and spoken to her parents. When they left her room, she had fallen back to sleep, but invited Ali to see her nonetheless.

The usual noise of the hospital went unnoticed while Ali examined her daughter like she had when she held her for the first time. Ten fingers, still perfect, even her fingernails. Her eyelashes were longer now, but they rested on her cheeks the same way they had when she was brand new. Tears fell for the first time in years when she thought about what she might have had, if she had been able to raise Sammy herself.

How old was she when she took her first steps, what was her first word? Simple things that a mother should know about her child, and Ali was clueless. Was she wrong not to keep her child? What would those nights have been like, she wondered and pictured herself pacing the floor with an infant in her arms, her perfect puckered lips, her face contorted, wailing with the rage only a newborn could possess. It would have been exceptionally hard, Ali had no doubt, but could she have done it?

Ali sniffled and rested her hand on Sammy's. Matt's voice still echoed in her head. 'It'll be okay.'

It wasn't, though. And neither was Ali. 

“I'm so sorry, Sam.” She whispered. In the seclusion of the room, she let herself be vulnerable, again; she cried the way only a mother could. The mother of a sick child.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the length of time between these chapters! The holidays are busier than I thought. This next chapter is a little small but it packs a lot of punch, I think.
> 
> Let me know what you think, your comments help more than you know! Thanks for hanging in there with me.

“Shouldn't we have heard something by now? I feel like we should have heard something by now,” Ali checked her phone for what had to be the billionth time in the last week. 

Ashlyn tried not to sigh audibly. It was true, Sam's surgery had taken place over six weeks previous. It had taken some convincing, but Ashlyn had successfully talked Ali into going on a small vacation. It had been good for both of them to take their minds off of Sam and cancer; and, Ashlyn thought but didn't mention, Sam's parents needed to spend time with their daughter. Without an estranged birth mother fussing around. 

After her surgery, Sammy had been expected to start radiation therapy right away, coupled with chemotherapy for six weeks. Sam had promised to call once she learned whether her treatment was working or not. During the operation to remove the tumor, they had discovered the infiltration into the brain stem was further progressed than they had originally thought, even with the imaging from the CT and MRIs. The hope was that the chemo and radiation would shrink the remaining tumor down until it was gone, and continue the aggressive therapy, hopefully pushing the young woman into remission. 

Ashlyn had felt Ali's stress level increase each week. It had gotten to the point that the two of them were bickering about little things. Suddenly, Ashlyn's clothes on the floor weren't a minor irritation that led to aggressive sex but a gateway to an argument. Realistically, they both understood the stress they were under, not only with Sam's cancer but their obligations to soccer, their families and planning a wedding. But even with the understanding, they both harbored resentment toward the other. 

“She'll call, Alex. Chill out.” Ashlyn had meant to come across as comforting but even she heard the edge to her voice. Ali shot her a look and opened her mouth to retort but was interrupted by the loud ring of the cell phone. Ali snatched it up so fast, Ashlyn thought she should try her hand at goalkeeping; she had the reflexes. 

She watched Ali's face silently, only witness to one side of the conversation. She watched her fiancee's eyes sparkle with hope, but her smile disappeared from her face, all her hope replaced with crushing disappointment. Ashlyn stood, forgetting each argument they had gotten into the last six weeks, and rushed to her side. Ali wrapped her arms around Ashlyn without hesitation. She said goodbye, her voice thick with tears. Ashlyn knew she held them back for the benefit of the person on the other end of the phone. Sure enough, when the call ended, Ali's body shook with sobs. Ashlyn pulled her in closer, pushing her hair out of her face when Ali rested her head on her shoulder. 

The shoulder of her shirt soaked through with Ali's tears, and they just kept coming. Ashlyn rocked, Ali clung to her like a small child. She felt helpless, but whispered what she hoped were comforting words to her, doing her best to kiss away her tears, like she'd promised to do years ago. 

Slowly, Ali's tears slowed, her body hitching occasionally. Ashlyn rubbed her back, shushing her gently, like a mother would to a baby. Ali clutched the back of her shirt. She needed Ashlyn more than she'd ever admit to anyone aside from Ash, but had never quite comprehended it until that moment.

“She's terminal, Ashlyn.” Ali whispered and she felt her body tense before the tears came again. Her chest tightened, her face ached from the force of her mourning. Ashlyn felt Ali's legs lock and she scooped her up and carried her to their bedroom.

Before that day, Ashlyn had always thought that the term 'cry yourself to sleep' was an exaggeration for anyone over the age of sixteen, but as she rubbed Ali's back, her lips forming soft, meaningless words, she watched her fall asleep slowly. But even as Ali slept, tears slid down her face.


	10. Chapter 10

Ali was beyond nervous but did her best to keep her face neutral. The doctor was silent as she moved the ultrasound wand over her stomach. She felt more than a little bloated lately, and noticed, with a frown, that she was already starting to gain weight. 

“There we go,” the doctor said brightly, and smiled at Ali. “You can see here, this is your baby, and here...” she highlighted a small grey mass on the screen, that looked like it was pulsing before she continued. “That's your baby's heartbeat. You look like you're about nine weeks, here, which measures up perfectly with your last menstrual cycle.” She continued on, but Ali's eyes locked onto the mass on the screen.

It looked nothing like a baby that she could see, but her eyes welled with tears. A heartbeat. Her little blob had a heartbeat. It was real to her now, as she watched the little mass on screen move here and there. For the first time since she saw her positive test, she felt something besides fear or anxiety. Ali felt warm, joyful...she felt love. 

“Would you like to hear the heartbeat, Alexandra?” The doctor asked gently. Ali nodded and bit her lip, willing herself not to cry. But as the fast thump of her blob's heartbeat filled the room, the tears spilled over despite her efforts. The doctor smiled reassuringly and let Ali take her time.

When hear tears turned to sniffles, the doctor handed her a towel to wipe her abdomen clean. “So everything looks good?” Ali asked, her anxiety returning. 

“So far, so good. We saw the heartbeat, it was moving around...you're young. And you're healthy. Both of those are good things, they work in your baby's favor. I need you to keep in mind now, though, that you're feeding someone besides yourself. I'm going to give you some prenatal vitamins, they'll help make sure that both you and your baby get everything you need. Sometimes they can upset your stomach, though, so try taking them at night before bed with a few crackers. It's a good idea to keep water and crackers next to your bed and have something to eat before you even get out of bed. Try to eat healthy, I'm sure you'll get cravings down the line. A brownie is fine every once in a while but it shouldn't be your main diet.” She rested her hand on Ali's shoulder.

“Let me know if you have any more questions or concerns, okay? Schedule another appointment to see me in about two months and we'll do testing and measuring then. Maybe even find out what the sex is. If something doesn't feel right before then, give us a call. Okay?” Ali nodded and the doctor handed her printouts of the ultrasound images. 

“You're going to do great, Alexandra,” She smiled and left the room. 

Ali examined the images in her hands carefully. If she looked closely, she could see the baby's head and body, and the little blackish spot the doctor said was the heart. She was amazed that two months ago, this little being inside her didn't even exist and now it had a heartbeat. Now it moved! Her fingers ran over the outline of her baby before she placed her hand over her stomach and smiled. 

* * *

“Look at you!” The doctor exclaimed, two months later. Ali rested against the table, her stomach no longer flat. The bump gave away the fact that she was pregnant, no hiding it. Almost nineteen weeks pregnant, she couldn't believe she was almost halfway to delivery.

Ali had told Kyle and her parents a week after her ultrasound appointment. It hadn't gone well, at all, but in the end, her family told her they would be there to support her regardless of her choice. Even now, two months later, she wasn't sure what she was going to do with her child. It was a constant internal battle; should she place her child for adoption or should she keep it?

She decided not to make any decisions until her next appointment. The day had come much quicker than she had expected it to, and she felt no closer to figuring out what she would do. Ali looked forward to seeing her baby nonetheless and as the doctor pressed the wand against her stomach again, she watched the screen intently. 

Aside from the clicking as the doctor measured, the room was silent. She tried to ignore the discomfort when the doctor pressed on her stomach. It seemed like forever but no time at all when the doctor handed her a towel again and smiled.

“Would you like to know the sex?” Ali nodded, swallowing a lump in her throat. She didn't think she'd be nervous about this part, but she felt the knots in her stomach pull tighter. “It's a girl. She looks like a perfectly healthy little thing too. None of the markers we look for are there, everything is measuring as it should. She's a feisty little one, didn't like all the poking I did.” 

A girl. A daughter. Ali heard herself laugh. “A girl? A healthy girl?” The doctor smiled and nodded. 

“I wanted to talk to you, though, Alexandra. I notice you're not bringing anyone with you to these appointments. No family, no father...as this pregnancy progresses, you're going to need support. Labor and delivery aren't easy, and if you're planning to keep her...” Ali interjected.

“I just want to do this by myself. My family knows, the father knows. I'm not sure if I'm going to keep her or what. But I need to do this alone.” Ali's voice was firm and the doctor pursed her lips.

“I understand. You need to know this is going to be a lot harder than you think. Even if she is perfectly healthy, anything could go wrong. I'd like to see you have the support.” Ali smiled and thanked her.

The words echoed through Ali's mind now, as she looked at her bald, pale, teenage daughter. “Anything could go wrong.” And it seemed they had. Sammy still smiled, but Ali could see the fear in her eyes.

“Sammy, what's the prognosis?” Ali asked quietly. The question she had feared the most. She couldn't help but play the “what if” game. What if she skipped too many meals, or ate too much junk food? Maybe the prenatal vitamins hadn't been good. Maybe this brain tumor thing was her fault, entirely. If Sammy was indeed terminal, as her mother claimed, Ali wasn't sure how she'd manage not to place the blame on herself.

Sammy smiled wanly and took Ali's hand. 

“I have about six months to live.”


	11. Chapter 11

Sammy's first word was “shit.” Her favorite color was forest green. Her favorite song was “Roar” by Katy Perry. She took her first step when she was eleven months old, because her uncle had a cupcake and she wanted it. She had her first kiss when she was twelve after swimming lessons with a boy named Luke. She thought it was “gross” even though Luke was cute. Her most embarrassing moment had been when she fell on the way to 4th period and dropped all her books on the floor. She was most proud of the music she played on her piano. Her favorite time of year was spring. 

Ali knew all these facts but none of them could encompass who her daughter had been, and the mark she left on the world. In her short seventeen years, through her kindness, compassion, sense of humor and her constant smile, she had touched each person she met. 

Sammy's final wish had been to be at Ali's wedding, and she was. Ashlyn somehow pulled it all together in the turmoil of terminal cancer, moving the event from a tentative two years to less than three months. Even though sadness touched Ali every time she thought about her daughter, looking deflated, pale but so full of light in her light pink dress, dancing with her wife on the day they were joined, Ali felt nothing but pure joy. 

So when Ali looked at the envelope carefully addressed to her from Sam, she wasn't sure she wanted to read it. Her grief had gotten bearable, she had even caught herself laughing without even thinking about it earlier in the week. Ashlyn had been a rock, giving her space when she needed it, comfort when it got too hard, and even taking it when Ali got angry over small things. She made a mental note to herself to do something special for her wife, to thank her for everything she had done in the months leading to Sam's death and the weeks after. 

She tapped the envelope on the counter in front of her, the sharp tap tap seemed to tell her just to open it, read it, get it over with. 

But it wasn't a letter, when she opened it, it was pictures. Pictures of Sam throughout her life. On the day she was brought home from the hospital, her face scrunched, she looked like a troll wailing. Biting the cats ear, all smiles. Her first birthday, her face covered in white frosting and chocolate cake. Her first day of pee-wee soccer, one sock halfway down her leg. On and on, until the last one, a picture of Sam, Ali and Ashlyn on their wedding day. Ali looked down at Sam, who smiled straight at the camera, while Ashlyn looked at Ali with such affection, it almost took her breath away.

She turned the picture over absentmindedly, to find a short poem, written in shaky script that Ali knew was Sam's. Near the end of her life, it had become hard for her to hold a pen; she was so weak and tired. But she had endured to give her mother these memories. A single tear trailed down her face as she read the poem.

“Life is passing so quickly,  
Dreams are proliferating so rapidly,  
But in the middle of all these,  
Memories are embracing so tightly”


End file.
